Held Down.

He was wrapped up. He was 5 year old Francisco, and he liked me for about 30 minutes. I'm very upset that it's actually a necessary part of my new job to hold them down. If that kid wasn't restrained someone could have had a dosage of anesthesia accidentally poured into their bloodstream. Or the needle could have broken inside his gum. I get it, I might have teared up a little, but I understand. We tried to explain things and he didn't listen. So, Fransisco became a burrito...he got a rubber ball though.

My Everyday,

Today I was woken up by a tiny hand banging my leg, pulling the blanket off me and a thin voice, “da, da, da.” That’s my son, Joshua Alexis, he’s 13 months and 2 1/2 inches taller than he should be; I guess that’s why he can reach my blanket. I haven’t slept normally since he was born. My teenage years consisted of sleeping in till 11 or 12 pm, you know, the norm. I’m happy I wasn’t a teen mom, missed that by a month. Now I live with my parents at 21, which isn’t embarrassing, but not having money to help out and them taking financial care of Alexis, that is embarrassing. His father doesn’t even want to see him, why would he pay for his things? He’s ignoring the son who’s named after him, way-to-go Elda, I blame that one on me, maybe I should have stuck with Alexis.

Thanksgiving is over which means my father left to work his ass off near Houston. My mom does a complete 180 as soon as he leaves. I’m sure she has OCD. She cleans the house every day, as if the president of Mexico is coming to dinner or something. It aggravates me, but I stay in my place and I never say anything about her barging into my room to clean it. If I clean she gets after me for doing it wrong, if I don’t, I’m lazy. My mother is a character. 

I need to go buy scrubs. I don’t want to wear my school scrubs to my first day of my externship, which is tomorrow. Since it’s only my first day I’ll suck it up and shop for a new uniform on Tuesday. I finished school a week ago, I’m a Certified Dental Assistant. I now need to complete 200 hours of unpaid externship at Kool Smiles before I officially graduate and start making money. Money. Its sad how much I think about it, getting paid. It’s important to me. After going through 13 months of living off my parents with a child, I can’t help to just think about the money.

Everything I do is for my son. I learned how to cook easy meals for him. I wake up at 7 o’clock every morning for him. I went to a career school in south Texas for him. My son means everything to me. In a couple years I will be defined as Alexis’s mom. When he goes to school that’s what I’ll be, another mother. I may be young but I am defined the same way a woman twice my age is, a mom. It actually makes me proud.